izigame.me

Let me just get out of the way: I did not play this game. I don't USUALLY like puzzle games, story games, single player games. But that's not the reason I'm here. I watched a playthrough of this on youtube, just thinking it might be some generic puzzle game. I read the description with interest, still thinking it will be corny. I was going to watch for maybe 20 minutes and then leave once I got bored. I ended up watching the whole 10 hours, at the end, a grown ass man sobbing over his keyboard.
My mom was battling cancer for nearly 5 years. She was a single mother. She was my favorite person ever. The strongest person I've ever known, throughout fiction and reality. We had to move a lot as a result of her worsening condition; so as a result I never had friends, never really did much other than sit in front of a TV. I was home schooled as well but just because of how bad her health was, she was unable to take care of me or my brother. We were the youngest of our siblings, so by proxy, we were the most neglected. I had already been depressed by this point. I don't really remember this day, or month, or year... but one day, she had to move to the hospital. So me and my brother went to live with one of her friends from church, she was a bit odd but I won't really talk about that. Her condition was worsening. Dad never seemed to visit, even during the end. What a deadbeat he was. The last conversation I had with her was through skype on an iPad. She was my best friend. My whole world. Even today, I can't think of anyone I've known who I enjoyed being around more than her.
One night, staying at a different family friend's place because the other one was so weird and never let us visit her, about 2 in the morning, I was woken up- she had passed away. We rushed to the hospital immediately, I was pretty deadpan and nonchalant about it at the time. Everyone else was mourning. That was the first and only time I've ever seen my grandpa cry. Everyone was sobbing and I just sat there, corner of the lounge, just shell-shocked. I was there, but not really thinking. After a while, I wanted to go to her room to see her. I just remember walking up to the door to it, and someone stopped me from going in. I don't remember if it was a nurse, a family friend, a family member; I wanted in and they wouldn't let me. They would not let up; so I just kind of sat there, defeated. I knew what death was by this point, but I still never really fully grasped it. Even to this day, I am still in denial, still dream about her. She was my best friend. The kindest person I've known. My whole world. Even today, I can't think of anyone I've known who I enjoyed being around more than her.
So what, what does any of this have to do with the game I just watched a play through of, the one I expected to be a disappointing nothing burger? I remember thinking during the months after, "I just wish it some how could have been me." That's what I would think for the past 9 or so years; and to be quite honest I still want it a little bit now. But this game has given me perspective, insight to what may have been if I got my wish; so I'm not sure I even want it anymore. Considering how much she meant to me, how important she was to me, how she would talk to me whenever I wanted. She loved me. It's pretty obvious, like yeah, of course she did. I just never really thought that maybe, she thought of me the same way I felt towards her. if I had gotten cancer, if I had gone through that same journey, the same things she had to go through, she wouldn't even had a goodbye. She would have been heartbroken. So, this game may have just changed my mind. I always thought I would never feel better; 9 years of therapy, psychiatrists, prescriptions, awful feelings; this may have just been the first step I've made since it happened. I apologize for the info dump, not even talking much about the game or side characters throughout it, and generally just a long review. This is just how I've related this story to my life, and how it prompted introspection that may have just changed my life.
Thank you, Laura Shigihara.