Before Your Eyes Review (Nach4n)
Wow another game where there is the boatman, Again I ask myself "What does it feel like to be judged for everything you have done in your life?'
Spiritfarer touched my soul, so did this game.
My parents always pushed me(even my siblings) to live up to their expectations. Me, after finishing 13 years of trash education system I didn't like yet was forced to do, hated the way how they wanted me to see myself.
I didn't do well this year. (2022) I failed in every Entrance University exams. All of my friends got in somewhere, but me, I was just a worthless piece of junk waiting to be picked up. And Its thanks to how the surrounding people made me think If I cant live up to their expectation, you are an eyesore to the society.
Life has more meaning rather than making people satisfied with things you never liked to do. I promised myself this year, I'll be someone better. Yet god knows why, I ended up taking the wrong career path. Not a single classmate I knew was there with me, the people around me weren't my type either. By the end of April, I felt more lonely. I felt like the world would collapse soon. The Sky will fall down, the ground will shake and there will be no air to breath myself to comfort. I started to get hate speech too from a online group I was in for a long time. My in real life best friend stopped talking to me like I was some sort of scrap junk. He lives in a foreign country but decided to come back to the homeland for a month. AND I TELL YOU he didn't even bother contacting me or meeting me once. My anxiety started to hit up in the sky and I used to shiver on bed, crying and regretting everyday.
I was a failure, I tell you, people around me looks at me like a failure. They talk about their big dreams and how they want a job with big salary, then maybe the perfect partner in the whole effing galaxy and how much they care about looking good in Social Media as they don't want to ruin their picture.
I have always hated this kind of lifestyle. I try to find more meaning behind life. I thought hey I dont want my kinds to be this competitive, they should take it easy rather than learning garbage from a textbook. After Playing this game, I realized anything can be pushy, So I decided I need better communication with my 'future partner and kids' and to do that I need to fix the current roots of the problem first, myself and my family.
I have always yearned for cutting off the ties with my family, because I have gone through way too many hard times I dont want to remember anymore. I do not want them to take affect in the near future. Yes, I do have mental problems and now I need to reconsider about lots of things.
So Maybe being harsh to my family wont be a right thing to do I guess....
with that, I'd just like to say, Passion is something you should chase, like Benny did for drawing. Even if its a lie.
I'll tell you where passion has led me to : Learned Guitar within 2 months, Learned Blender within 2 weeks, Made 2 worlds In VrChat all by myself, Learned Japanese all by myself, Made friends from Japan over the Internet and AFTER bugging my Dad for 4 whole months, He finally agreed me to send me over there to study.
While I am happy, I still have lost this year, to myself. But sometimes, some great memories are given to you by the right people. And I'd like to say, Thank you my dear friends who helped me out at the right time and If I see the boatman by myself, I'll him more about you guys than myself.