Gears 5 Review (JoneHeheHaha)
What is this bunk? Who are these mole people who approved this terrible, terrible story surrounded by the most PC, white knight, chad, nothing characters? This game is honestly heartbreaking to see the absolute nose-dive this franchise has taken. There goes any hope for Microsoft to have a good exclusive title, let alone a bearable one. Gears 1, 2, & 3 had fantastic stories with depth and emotion. I remember feeling genuinely terrible when Benjamin Carmine died in the stomach of the beast. I felt dread when we found Tai who had been too beaten and tortured to even attempt living again when he was freed. I didn't even like Dom that much, but his exit perfectly captured the essence of the Gear's stories and hopelessness of everything.
Gears 4 was forgettable at best and a chore to get through. So what did the devs learn going into Gears 5? Simple: They can coast on the multiplayer and hope nobody notices their awful, awful sins.
- The guns they added with this new direction not only feel bad, unnecessary, and unsatisfying; they actually highlight how much the player is missing out on the actual good guns they added and quickly took back in Gears 3 like the sawed-off shotgun.
- As mentioned before, the characters are nothing. They are an amalgamation of one-liners and quips thrown into a big-chinned, thick-necked hero man. I absolutely dread hearing any sort of dialogue that doesn't include Marcus. Especially outside of the cut scenes, it is unbearable to hear the relentless, boring taunts and jokes that these idiots have to say.
- The devs were either playing a sick joke or genuinely hate the players with the inclusion of Jack. These have to be adults with functioning brains, right? They tease you with the "ability" to run through the campaign with yourself and two friends. What they actually mean by that is two of you will be Kid Rock chad alpha males, and the third person in your party will be a useless robot who serves no purpose in combat or story. Literally, what the devs have done, is put maybe 3 annoying roadblocks in each mission and force the robot to go through a tunnel or vent system just to open a door.
I'll say that again. Two of you get to play; the third part of your party gets to fall asleep until a specific door comes up.
This game would be laughable if it weren't for the genuine heartbreak and frustration I feel watching this company ruin something that I truly treasured and appreciated. 1/10.