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cover-Once a Porn a Time

Thursday, June 15, 2023 3:45:59 PM

Once a Porn a Time Review (rALYNN)

No, I personally don't recommend the game, but flavors vary, and the story of the game is frustratingly promising. This game doesn't have a lot of "fun" scenes, and the first start of fun is about 13 hours into the game. There's a lot of grind, but in fairness, the grind is met with dialogue, so the repetitive nature of the grind is less grindy. When I look for adult games, I want some erotik-ness to my games, which this doesn't deliver with lines like "Rapunzel, I want to smash you!" "Smash me! Smash me!". There used to be a livejournal community called "bad sex" and lines like that would fit right in there. Yet, maybe the game is for you if the idea of the game and story is what tickles you the most also if you like a little foot action. I'll check out chapter 2, but the game will only have a few hours to win me over before I click refund. I won't slog again. I recommend the game for those not annoyed by my issues with the game and who are okay with quick peekaboo artwork.
The story: Dude crashes on some planet filled with androids that need to be trained up to be sex slaves/servants for... reasons. Tinker Bell is there as CEO+ to get her harem, I mean company, up and running and to guide the MC, who is a disembodied flesh-colored one-eyed serpent with floating hands, into breaking down the censorship protocols on all the androids.
The Gameplay: Wake up, transport to places, click dialogue, then purchase clothing if recipes and ingredients are available, and go drone hunting for money/goods. Buy any supplies needed for the next day. Read if there are books to read and then sleep. Rinse and repeat with new dialogue. Progress is gated by money/supplies, completion of other quests, and quest items that need to be purchased from the store or found by the drone. Oh, and there are riddles; look up the guide on Steam because I doubt most people will have a chance of solving the riddles without the guide. I appreciate being able to go back and revise decisions.
Hotness: The first mouth action was about 13 hours in, and I always find it funny how the D is the best thing ever in Pron. I'm pretty sure the C-button or the G Spotify is not located in the back of a woman's throat. The first bang was around five hours after that. The rest of the H-dialogue was not as bad as the line in my intro, but it certainly wasn't great. That Rapunzel line was the worst and is found on the Angel (non-slave) path for Rapunzel. Later in the game, you'll start to have fun with your feet. I felt like the game was 10% feet, but please realize that's not saying much. There were two or three scenes involving feet, and there aren't that many scenes in the game. People who enjoy feet may appreciate this. For me... shoving your feet into someone's mouth just seems weird. People who like various liquids of happiness, your scenes will be "now you don't see it, now you see it, now you don't." There were some serious missed opportunities in the drawings/animation to make the scenes hot and conclusions rewarding. The dialogue felt like it was dropped in from bad pron movies as opposed to erotika.
Animation: I like the drawings. The animation was stiff/jilted. Happy Ending scenes were brief. A bit like Flight of the Conchords ""Is that it?" "I know what you're tryna say, girl You're tryna say, "Ah, yeah, that's it" The climax was a "pop" next scene. The author would do themselves a favor by looking at how other products render such scenes and drawing things out a little more. Literally and figuratively.
Writing: I've knocked the pron side of things, and it deserves it, but the rest of the writing was okay with a few typos and spelling errors. The dialogue is stiff but not bad for the genre. There are some funny moments, and readers may appreciate them. If the pay-off weren't so artificially delayed and unrewarding, I'd probably have enjoyed the dialogue more, but I started to get annoyed, and that impacted my impression of the game as a slog I was determined to get through instead of enjoy.
Playtime: Steam says I have 13.8 hours. The app had me at 13 hours over 24 hours ago so... I probably had another 10 hours after that of gameplay where I felt frustrated at the lack of progression.
Value: It depends on what you're looking for. The concept is actually awesome, but the execution didn't align with what I wanted, and I felt frustrated at the lack of progression on the stuff I was HERE for. The pay-off was low, the scenes short and few and far between. So, despite a playtime of around 24 hours (best guess as it took me a few days of play and Steam seems to struggle with the counting when I open and close my laptop to pause), I didn't find a lot of value for me. Then again, fetishes can really tip the scales, as can the enjoyment of this type of game. Scenes and stances of characters were reused so there was also a feeling of cheapness when extra effort isn't put into the money scenes.
Recommendation to the author if they care: better payoff and more time with the money scenes. Better money dialogue. More of both and fewer roadblocks. If the blue alien is randy as heck, then why is the blue alien avoiding fun time? Artificial friction like this drives me bonkers. Women won't always say yes, but in the context of everything, it was really strange that there was so much resistance, and that's jarring. Why aren't any of the fun times repeatable in some variation or even an expanded variation as a reward for completing quests? More rapid access and some repeatable scenes with each character in the game setting (not just the past video setting) would have made this better. The main story idea, dialogue, and the grind actually weren't bad (it is grindy, but a better grind than some games). Really, it came down to issues with the pay-off both in the speed of delivery and satisfaction of the pay-off (dialogue/duration) "When it's with me, girl, you only need two minutes". If I pick up chapter two and I get three hours in with zero "fun times," and/or the FunTime isn't at a better level, I'll return the game for a refund. I am willing to try chapter two because I do love the concept; I just won't slog again without more/better/sooner payoff.
Overall: If you're not deterred by my peeves, get it. For me, I finished with a grim determination and not out of any joy. If I could turn back time, I absolutely wouldn't pick the game up. Particularly not at the price point it's at. If you like time wasters with a little bit of humor, this might be a game for you because it certainly does that well. The animation is cute, the idea of the story is great, and I can recommend it if that's what you want.